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Each stage of our children's development demands that we, the parents, adapt to their changes, needs, abilities and characteristics. That is, what we did with the 3-year-old does not work for the 7 or 10-year-old child, we must change the guidelines.
That is why on our site we give you some useful tips to manage obedience in children between 6 and 12 years.
Large and important changes occur in children from the age of 6 in their development that allow them to understand and order the world in a much broader and more precise way. A greater capacity for attention, memory, knowledge ...
- Boys and girls are accessing and participating in new contexts (school, leisure groups, friends ...) and, consequently, new sources of influence appear in the development of the personality. It is a stage in which boys and girls continue to build their personality, but now they are consolidating many of the aspects of personal development that had been defined in previous years. Evolves self-concept, self-esteem, which is increasingly mediated by social comparison and is going to gain in objectivity, and in which its academic and social dimensions are beginning to gain importance.
- The understanding of norms and values also evolves and changes, of rules established by consensus, therefore in this stage from 6 to 12 years, changes that occur in children will affect and make us have to modify the guidelines and norms at home, in terms of norms, limits and discipline are concerned.
- The autonomy of the children is very important, that is, they have to start doing things on their own, (showering, homework, dressing and undressing, picking up your clothes and room ...) and this new autonomy will become new norms at home. This autonomy gives children more independence and responsibility. It is this essential aspect at this stage, and the responsibility goes through assuming the consequences of what they do.
- At this stage, discipline will therefore translate into responsibility and not so much in complying with the rules and the rules just because, because the authority says so. Responsibility in their schoolwork, in the tasks they have to do at home, in their studies and of course in the decisions they make and the consequences that those decisions have.
- Children begin to question authority, (more pronounced towards the end of the stage) they ask the why of the things they have to do, and more conflicts tend to appear at home related to this. But it is normal, and it is part of children's development, they have to learn who they are and how the world in which they live works.
To manage obedience in children between 6 and 12 years oldit is essential to continue applying coherence and consistency to the rules, rules and the consequences of not complying with them. We must comply with what we say we will do if the child does not do something or I will lose authority.
At this stage we can begin to negotiate some rules, but we will also have to impose consequences when these negotiated rules are not met.
Therefore, at this stage it is important, as far as discipline is concerned:
- Give responsibilities children and give them greater autonomy.
- Highlight and reward achievements achieved by the child, and avoid reproaching failure, (if you had studied ... if you had worked more ...).
- Compliance with social norms and behavior guidelines becomes more effective when We express approval when they comply and accept them, than when we just teach them. That is, not because we repeat what needs to be done 100 times, they are going to do it, it is better that when they do what we have told them, we show them our satisfaction and approval.
- Praise when appropriate, when we want to reward something, without exaggerating.
- Prevent our emotions from influencing the consequences we impose and seek balance in our actions. If the child has not done their homework, put a consequence according to what they have done, so punishments such as "a week without watching television" should be avoided, but we can tell them that since they did not do their homework, this afternoon Either tomorrow they won't watch TV or they won't play in the park.
- Avoid giving too many orders to children, (do this, do that, and also this other ...) we overwhelm them and it is difficult for them to accomplish everything.
- At this stage it is essential to listen to our children, take their points of view into account, and let them make decisions, be open to alternative solutions that our children may propose to us, in this way we reduce hostility and tension at home and create a favorable climate at home.
- Talk to them without haste, listen to them and find the right time to talk to them.
We have to understand that conflict and arguments with children will exist, and they are necessary for the developing child, it helps them to negotiate, to be more sure of themselves, and to assume responsibilities.
You can read more articles similar to Obedience in children between 6 and 12 years old, in the category of Conduct on site.