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There is not a day that I go to pick up my daughters from school where I do not arrive with a big smile. The hope of spending an afternoon with them where we share games, laughter and experiences, and even homework, makes me feel like I'm opening a Christmas present every day.
But, after that first reception, I see how all my delusion It dissolves quickly in the air when I see how my daughters unconditionally demand a snack from me, that I carry their backpack, that I buy them candy, and that I respond to each stimulus of their being without any alternative. Thus, from the understanding mother and affectionate who was waiting behind the school door, there is only an ogre with bloodied eyes with a swollen vein in his neck, who said that the world of motherhood was a whole field of roses?
So, I have had to learn to agree with my daughters.
Motherhood has taught me that, in addition to being loving with my daughters, which is something that comes standard, I also have to be an educator 24 hours a day, storyteller at bedtime, a benevolent judge in every fight, an ambassador for my daughters to other mothers, a parliamentarian in the plenary session of my room and, first of all, impose a semi-democracy in my house, because experience has shown me that the dictatorship did not work for any of us.
My father established a dictatorial regime at home, the kind that end with the phrase "Because I said so, period", and where dialogue was a lost ideal; So, when I became a mother, I decided that a democracy would prevail in my house as much as possible. It was not a random choice, but as a child I felt the need to express my feelings and it was a frustrating feeling not being able to do so.
Now, as a mother, I have realized that the rules are much better followed when we are all who we jointly impose. Thus, learning to make a pact with children became an urgent need in my family.
Of course, we have written one word Constitutionwhere the basic non-negotiable rules of the house have been exposed, but there are many other points that can be discussed.
There are several factors that make parent-child pacts the best of the possible choices:
1. The covenant is a healthy relationship between parents and children, an agreement between the two parties in which neither is imposed.
2. We hold them responsible for their choice, which they must comply with if they want to agree with us again.
3. It gives them the possibility to learn to make decisions.
4. It teaches us to cooperate with each other with mutual respect.
Given this promising prospect, I can only tell you that in my house it works most of the time, and for those that do not work, it is convenient to have a Plan B planned, but that never passes through the imposition of the norm, since that way we would be breaking the basic rule: "the pact between the two parties", and the next time it would lose its beneficial effect.
Tips when making a deal with your children
- It should always involve a effort on the part of the child; for example: it doesn't work when we want him to clear the table but he was willing to do it a thousand loves, even if he is lazy.
- It should be something short-term so you don't forget. Long terms in a child have no effect because time passes differently for them. Only the present moment is valid.
- Avoid the temptation to do a a posteriori pact without notifying it before, that is to say: "since you have gone to your friend's house now you have to do something for me"
- We should never punish them for not complying with the pact, even if it is the first resource that occurs to us, but the consequence will be the refusal to return to agree soon.
- The agreements should not become a business relationship, so they should not be abused. Not everything is negotiable: neither health, nor moral values are.
- You have to wait until they are 5 years old, before they don't have the maturity to do it.
- Must be done from a comprehensive way, not in a forced way or with an attitude of anger on our part.
The pacts they are not infallible, nothing is with children, but I assure you that, even if it costs you, it is the best way to make children cooperate and we can understand each other in a positive way.
You can read more articles similar to Learn to agree with the children, in the category Limits - Discipline on site.