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The search for autonomy and independence usually begins through certain achievements in communication, self-care such as dressing or washing hands and teeth, carrying out small tasks both in the school environment and in the family, assuming some responsibility or performing duties. , but These skills have to be extended to the realm of social relationships: children must learn to resolve their own conflicts.
We have all experienced some circumstance, especially with siblings or at school, in which we have had to defend ourselves, we have been overwhelmed by feelings of helplessness, anguish or misunderstanding and perhaps we have not been prepared to face these fights or misunderstandings.
The fights between children are not strange to us, In interactions with peers, not only games and friendship occur, but also disagreements and conflicts for which our child must develop appropriate skills. There are children who are easy prey for other classmates that make life impossible for them, either by insulting them, hitting them or humiliating them. Children who have a meek or timid temperament often avoid conflict, suffering it in silence. They have listened to their parents and teachers that they should treat others with respect, that they should not hit or argue, that they should be obedient, but what happens when it is the partner who does not comply with these social norms?
Sometimes it is quite difficult to guide our children to acquire skills related to regulating their own behavior towards others, to know when to involve adults and when to resolve their own conflicts. I don't think you have to tell your children about 'if they hit you, you hit', since they try to solve a bad performance with another equally bad (I, personally, do not believe in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, but I do believe in fighting injustice and abuse). Perhaps the balance is that the child learns to discern when an issue is serious enough to involve adults or when to do it on your own.
Despite our teachings in favor of coexistence and peace, they are very necessary, we must not encourage cowardly behaviors in our children in which they prefer to ignore or avoid problems with others, rather than defend themselves. Children must acquire the ability to respond forcefully to unwarranted attacks and threats, making, if necessary, use of those who really have authority in the situations. The child must learn both to ask for justice and to defend himself by his means.
Patro Gabaldon. our site
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